Crossing the line - what is & is not acceptable to say to someone in a serious relationship

CAN MEN AND WOMEN BE FRIENDS WHILE ONE IS IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE?

 -WHAT IS AND IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP? -


  The question everyone asks these days is "can a man and woman remain friends and only friends without one or the other wanting more? What do you guys think? Can they?

  Once upon a time, when I was young and felt that my male friends were more important than what they really were, I would've said sure, men and women can be friends and only friends. I knew better.

  As most of my precious readers know, I've been in a serious relationship for what will be 5 years this month! (Woo-hoo!)

  When we first started seeing each other, I had a lot of male friends. Throughout my entire life I have never had a male friend that did not express some kind of interest in me, even if it was only sexual.

  I no longer have male friends. After we started getting serious, my male friends (except for one who had expressed feelings in the past, when I was single but we moved past it and remained friends.) refused to respect me and my relationships. One male friend who I'd went to church with my entire life ended up proposing to me a couple of years ago out of the blue. He never showed much interest in me like that before. He had said I was pretty, but nothing more.

  That wasn't the only male church friend I'd grown up with who did this. There was another one who was a great friend until I became serious with my current BF. Then, he started crossing the line little by little. Finally, one day when I was extremely ill and unable to leave the bed, in and out of the hospital, etc. Him and his mother who I think of as my angel for helping me through my hospital times when the only other person who was there was my BF & dad. Anyways, her son  who I'd grown up with, close friends, went to church with sent me a text message that asked when I planned on leaving my current partner. He said he was tired of waiting on me and was angry! I didn't even know I had him waiting. We'd never talked about being together.

 Of course the BF got the text and flipped, caused a huge fight. I ended the friendship. If he couldn't respect me anymore than that, he was no friend.

  Besides that, I'm fine with no male friends. I don't want to be taken afvantage of like I used to be. I don't want to have men forcing themselves on me anymore. It got old, so I ditched them all.

  Well, I usually make it clear to most men in my life that I'm in a happy MONOGAMOUS relationship and I don't put up with crossing the line and disrespecting me. It doesn't work.

  The other night an old male friend started contacting me, he's got a live-in-girlfriend. Well, he crossed the line. I completely blew him off. He crossed the line again. I made myself clear.

  If you have a "crush" on someone who is in a relationship (happy or not) you do not cross that line! If you feel you must express your dying love for them, then maybe do so subtly and suggest that you would like to be more than friends one day should anything happen and this person become available. Then, you leave it at that.

  Almost in every situation, the person does not actually plan to leave just because you suddenly come along with an erection for them. They may eventually start giving in and telling you what you want to hear i.e. they aren't happy. But that's usually only because of the pressure being put on the person.

  If you want to remain in the person's life, I suggest being their friend should be good enough at least until they are available and decide they want to start a new relationship. Do not EVER pressure a girl into leaving. It'll only make her go the opposite direction.

  It's just so tacky and disrespectful to cross that line and nothing is tackier than doing it over and over. If you give her a nice compliment or just have to express your feelings, do it one time and leave it at that. If she decides to initiate anything, then let her do so on her terms only and definitely never engage in anything while she's still in the relationship whether she initiates it or not. Suggest she break it off with the other man first.

  Sometimes you're just going to have to settle for friendship or nothing at all, because chances are, if she's in a happy relationship (with struggles or not) you'll end up losing her friendship all together if you continue to cross the line. Is friendship not ever good enough? It's better than being cut out of their life forever right?

  Texting or calling someone who's in a relationship (especially when you are too!) more than once or twice a day is crossing the line.

  Texting things like "Good morning beautiful" or "Goodnight, dream about me." IS crossing the line.

  Texting things like "Send me a dirty pic." is beyond crossing the line and believe me, if the woman is anything like me, you'll regret that shit real quick.

  I believe you know when you cross the line. If you have to ask if her "will your boyfriend be mad if I say..." or "Is your boyfriend around?" then it IS crossing the line.

  I'm not saying you can't comliment a girl who's not single. Today, my BF and I went to a friend's really nice house and he had a few men that I've been around for years over. When I got out one of the men said "Who's that pretty little thang with you?" and the other said "Kendra, you're hair looks nice today." Which one do you think made me feel good? The hair comment!

  When he told me my hair looked nice it made my day! As for the married bastard that said "who's that pretty little thang?" I didn't gain jack crap from that compliment. The hair comment was sweet and meaningful. Not that saying a girl is pretty is wrong, but there's a tasteful way to do  it. Now, if it's a dirty comment that involves the word sexy, I think it can come off as rude to say to someone in a relationship.

 The reason I posted about this is because of recent happenings. It just makes me so angry that men just don't get it. I don't know why they have to cross that line. I'd really like to keep them as friends, but they make it impossible. There's no way I'm going to text someone who's texted me constantly for 3 days and questioning where I've been & why I was there so late when he has a girlfriend and I have a partner of my own. I mean, if you're unhappy in your relationship, I'm always glad to give help and I did that already, but I'm not willing to give myself. It took everything I had today not to say "Well, maybe your relationship would be interesting and fun if you weren't so busy texting me while your girlfriend sits home waitnig on you to just look in her direction."

 So far, the only male friends I have are the ones that are friends with both me and my partner and a couple of them are really amazing people. Just please people, do not keep crossing the line!

  When you cross the line once and she doesn't respond, take the hint. Don't make her cuss you out just to get you to stop.

  Does any of my lovelies out there agree? Do you think there is a line that should not be crossed, at least no more than twice?

My "experience" Continued...

                                      *MY "EXPERIENCE" CONTINUED...*

                                          (This is only the second part for now)

 5 years ago, my closest friend and I made plans to spend the weekend at her house and invite our high school boyfriends over. She picked me up that night but we didn't go to her house. Instead, she took me to a party which was all men. All 8-10 years older than us. I knew none of them. When we pulled up I wouldn't go in because I didn't know anyone and that wasn't our plan. She promised she wouldn't leave me by myself so I agreed to go in.

 Shortly after that, I was drugged with rohypnol (date rape drug) by a man who was 26. I was 15. He was huge. Weight: 245 lbs. Height: about 5'9 Ok, that's huge to me, I'm 97 lbs. and only 5'1.

 I knew something was seriously wrong with me. I was violently sick and could feel myself kind of fading out. You know? Like I was going into a coma, honestly, that's what I thought. A while later, I was sure I was dying. It was like I was paralyzed, completely unable to move any part of my body, barely able to speak, unaware of where I was or how I got there. I'm only able to recall parts of that night (with a long and painful process I was able to recall parts of the night, with help & time) The last thing I was able to recall, after going inside, was being in his car. Locked in his car and him threatening me. I begged to get out but it wasn't happening. I said I was going to puke so, he got out, came to my door, picked me up and held me at his chest then, dropped me on the ground. I could actually feel my ribs crushing.

 There, I laid, unable to move. The only thing I could do was puke and beg him to call and ambulance or at the least my mother. I remember saying "If you won't let me call my moma and say I love her then, leave me here to die." I knew I was dying. I had no option but to lay on the ground and pray. And I did!

 I know a lot of time passed between that moment and me coming back to, to find myself in a bed but, I'm still unsure how long I was unconscious. The next thing I was able to remember was returning to consciousness enough to feel excruciating pain and know what was going on. He was on top of me, all 245 pounds digging into my ribs. I was too weak to tighten my stomach. As soon as I realized what he was doing with me I managed to scream, using my every strength I yelled for my "friend."

 She came. She stood right in the door way. And watched. Watched him biting my chest, stomach, bottom lip, and other parts of me with his teeth. He had bitten me over 11 times. Each one bled and bruised. My shirt, skirt, and underwear were ruined, stained with blood. The inside of my shirt had thick pieces of MY skin & blood stuck to it.

 I still remember every piece of clothing I had on. I even remember the underwear. I had my current boyfriend burn all of the things I was wearing. I still have scars on my chest and stomach from those bites. When I realized my "friend" wasn't coming to help, but to watch. I knew I had to muster up some strength to fight alone. I did but didn't get far. I was only able to squirm. That was the longest moment of my life and by far the worst.

 When HE was done, he left the room. I tried moving myself but couldn't move. After trying and trying I stood from the bed. With the help of the walls, I stumbled out and made it to the front door. He was standing there, in nothing but his underwear. He threatened my life, my familie's lives, and gave me a detailed description of our where abouts and what he'd do if I told. He let me leave but only if my "friend" drove me straight home. I wasn't allowed to leave alone. She drove me home.

 I couldn't even walk myself to my front door. Thankfully, a guy that I was really close with at the time was on the porch waiting for me & he helped me inside. My neck & chest was showing & had blood, bruises & some black shi* all over me. He freaked and asked 100 questions. I cried. Then I told him everything.

 After that I knew something was really wrong with my ribs because of the excruciating pain so before burning my clothing and showering I had to have "that shi*" done. Come to find out, my ribs were severely bruised, a few other injuries and of course the open wounds from the bites. Then, I was free to go home & stay in bed until the injuries healed. I wasn't able to take a breath with out shrieking for 3 whole days. I slept every bit of those 3 days away except for waking up to shower, use the bathroom, and take meds. I couldn't even smoke a cigarrette for 3 days because of the pain. I was still really high from the rohypnol until the 4th day.

 This past August, the 15th to be exact made it 5 years since it happened. I talked to my "friend" that day. Which was only 2 months ago. She contacted me on Facebook. I guess she felt guilty & needed to relieve her guilt. No apology though. I said little, that was it.

 Anyways, he's free now. He's free to roam the streets and live only 10 min. away from me and free to hurt more women. When it was all over with & I went to the authorities, I found out that he had done the same thing to at least 2 other women.

 For the past 5 years, I have lived in fear of him. I have seen him 6 times out in public. Every time, I've had a panic attack. The very 1st time I seen him out, I was with my current boyfriend & he confronted him. Actually he beat the hell out of him. Needless to say that rapist didn't fight back. After all, a rapist like that only wants to fight a woman that's much weaker than him. He would never fight a real man.

 After seeing him on the road next to mine one day while I was in my car, I freaked and have only drove alone in my car 3 times since. I have never spoken to my "friend" who after speaking with authorities and going through the whole process, I found that she was not a friend at all. She was an accomplice. An accomplice to MY being raped. She set me up.

      *There's more. Yes, more of this story. I will post the next part this week*

My PeArL of the day

 My PeArL of the day...


 And Jesus said unto them..., "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain remove hence to younder place and it shall move and nothing shall be impossible to you."

 I wanted to post this as my PeArL of the day because this specific verse has great value to me at this point in my life. I am going through a really terrible time and I found this verse helpful (especially if spoken aloud and meditated on)

 So, I thought I'd share with you, my inspiration. I hope this will bring you comfort too. I always like to confess the word of God. It has so much power when spoken aloud. Meditating on the word is another powerful way to overcome anything! Just try it.