The Brita Filter Lie -- Fluoride Stays!

While doing some (more) research on drinking water and the so-called "filters" on the market, I came across a disturbing lie:

In their article titled "Water-Facts,"  the Water Industry.org" when referring to Brita filters, states that:

   "...The filters also eliminate fluoride, which may not be a benefit for children's teeth"

-From Staff Reports
Daily Californian
U. California-Berkeley

This, my friends is an enormous, flat-out lie... Or at its best "misinformation." It would appear that the "Water Industry dot org" didn't even do a search or you know, bother to ask Brita (and other filtering manufacturers) if this was even true before going and making the statement publicly, on their website. This concerns me. Enough that I'd write a blog post about it. Since there was no contact information for the site, I chose to post this. I hope to find a way to get in touch with these folks so that they can fix this great error. In the meantime, please only use trustworthy sources before you believe things, especially when it comes to something relating to your health (drinking water.) 

 (Brita themselves have even stated that fluoride (and pretty much everything else) is not removed with their filters! In fact, most of us already know that fluoride is in water unless its RO (reverse osmosis) or came from very few specific sources, but no filter (unless RO system) will remove fluoride!

P.S. Stay tuned for my upcoming review of the LifeStraw (a real filtering system that enables you to drink water from ponds, streams, lakes by using the "straw" which filters bacteria and protozoa. 

Come Out of the Dark -- Depression Awareness

In efforts to help promote depression awareness, Jonathan Rottenberg , Ph.D, (Department of Psychology, University of South Florida, 4202 E. Fowler Ave., PCD 4118G, Tampa, FL 33620-7200) has created the wonderful cause “Come out of the Dark.” 

The Come Out of the Dark campaign  works to help encourage those suffering from depression to, well, “come out of the dark!” It’s really a fantastic thing, so I wanted to share this with you guys. You can like Come Out of the Dark onFacebook. 

 I hope you guys will subscribeto their newsletter and spread the word to help "crush depression stigma" and the shame that often comes with being depressed. 

Jonathan also  has  a book out called “The Depths: The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic,”which I hope to read myself soon. The Depths is a book by Jon Rottenberg, the man who began Come out of the Dark  which discusses our understanding (or misunderstanding) of depression. The book is available on Amazon.

Here is the description of The Depths : The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic as it appears on Amazon: 

“Why are we losing the fight against depression? In this groundbreaking work, psychologist Jonathan Rottenberg explains that despite advances in pharmaceutical science, progress has been hampered by our fundamental misunderstanding of depression as a psychological or chemical defect. Instead, Rottenberg introduces a surprising alternative: that depression is a particularly severe outgrowth of our natural capacity for emotion; it is a low mood gone haywire. Drawing on recent developments in the science of mood—and his own harrowing depressive experience as a young adult—Rottenberg explains depression in evolutionary terms, showing how its dark pull arises from adaptations that evolved to help our ancestors ensure their survival. Weaving together experimental and epidemiological research, clinical observations, and the voices of people who have struggled with depression, The Depths offers a bold new account of why depression endures—and points the way toward new paths for treatment.

Now, I'll close by asking you guys if you've read the book yet? Or have you heard of Come Out of the Dark yet? What did you think of the book? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Could Love Have the Power to Heal?

Could Love Have the Power to Heal?

Michelle Knight for Times Woman of The Year Unfair?

Photo source: NewsNet5.com The three women -- after getting out of Ariel Castro's home

If you guys have been online much in the last couple of months, or even been out of the house, you're probably aware of Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro's ordeal. The man monster who kidnapped and held captive 3 women: Michelle Knight, Gina DeJesus and Amanda Berry  a decade ago. He'd kept them in his house, chained up where he beat, raped and abused them. You guys know the story, I'm sure. If you haven't, you can read about it here (or anywhere else on the web.) 

All three women, thankfully, have finally been freed after a decade of being held hostage by this monster. As you can imagine, these are clearly very strong, amazing women. I mean, those words alone are understatements. Strong, amazing.. It's not even enough to describe them, women who went through a decade of torture. Anyways, though, I came across a petition tonight titled "Michelle Knight for Times Woman of The Year."

Kidnapper/Monster Ariel Castro

As soon as I saw this petition, I clicked on it & almost hit "sign." That is until I realized only one of the three women held captive were on the petition. Clearly, the petition is asking that we all make Michelle Knight Time's Woman of The Year, which upon first glancing at the petition, was an incredibly great idea. She is an incredible woman, but all three of them are. 

Maybe the author of the petition did this because only one woman can make Times Woman of The Year. I don't know. 

But before I hit sign, I backed out. I did not sign the petition because all of them are amazing. Each of the women deserve Times Woman of the Year, not just one of them. 

If it's true that only one woman can be allowed the title "Times Woman of the Year," then I think Times can break that rule this year and allow all three. It just did not seem fair or very ethical to me to single any of these women out and leave the rest. Perhaps a specific award recognizing all three would be more appropriate than only one of them being recognized in this Times Woman of the Year award. 

The petition mentions Michelle's strength and courage and awesome faith, but says nothing about the other two women. They too were held captive. Perhaps for a little less time than Michelle, but all were held captive and removed from their lives for 10 years, and more. 

Just my thoughts. What about you guys? Do you think they should all get the award or is this petition unfair to the other two women who were also kidnapped, abused and raped for a decade?

**If you click on that link for the petition, and glance up at the URL in your address bar, you'll notice that in the URL, it says "Michelle Berry." Michelle's last name is Knight, not Berry. Berry is the last-name of Amanda, one of the other women kidnapped. That's not a big deal, but something I noticed.

Proof that male doctors treat their female patients as sex objects

Image source: www.demotivationalposters.org

Guys, I have something to share my upsets about. I was reading this blog post that many of you have likely seen. The post was called "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male Doctor's Point of View."

If you have not already read that post, I encourage you to do so before reading what I am about to say -- number 1. because it's important that you as a male or female be informed of what's going on at your Dr.'s office. Number 2. because it'll make a lot more sense to you if you've read the article.

If the article that appeared on the Daily Mail UK about the doctor sexually abusing a female patient for 13 years before admitting having an erotic dream about her wasn't enough to make some of you wary about having male doctors, what you'll read in "The Other Side of The Speculum: A Male Doctor's Point of View," surely will. 

In any instance, though, I'll still briefly tell you what that post/article is about. It's a male doctor sharing that men who are in the medical field do actually enjoy giving a pap-smear or pelvic exam or breast exam to a female. Not only do they enjoy it, but the author also goes on to say that they discuss it with others & they even tell women they deem attractive that a pap, pelvic or breast exam is "necessary," only so they can do it. Not because the patient really needs it! The author even explains instances in-depth of this happening! And if you read the comments, you'll surely be sickened to hear others' stories!

After reading that post, I felt so strongly. So many thing I want to say. I wanted to comment. I considered writing an article myself on this, then I considered discussing my feelings about it in a video, but I am so furious and upset after reading the post that the quickest way to get this off my mind and out there to ya'll is to write it here. In the future, I may do a video version or even an article, but right now, I'm so pissed I can't think straight. Let me see, where should I begin..

There are many reasons why upsets arose for me while reading that post about men who perform pelvic exams/pap smears are actually using their profession (and our bodies) as excuses to do immoral things to us, in reality, without us even knowing or approving, really. I mean, if I go in for a pap smear and my doctor is a male, I would think he was professional and not viewing my body in a sexual way and not using my body for his own sexual gratification. I wouldn't expect him to damn near demand me have an exam for his own fun, and not my health. 

So say I allowed the exam & it turns out he is doing these things. He is using his profession as an excuse to touch and look at me -- in other words to treat me as a sexual object. Also, if I do not know he's doing these things (looking at me and touching me with such thoughts and ideas) then I'm not a willing participant. The only part I would be willingly participating in would be the exam for my health, not the sexual part he's getting out of it! 

That's point number one I wanted to make.

We automatically have this idea that doctors are trustworthy and wouldn't ever do these things, right? Wrong. So very, sadly and disgustingly wrong.

Point number two would be  

The author of this blog post admits that he is a doctor (not in the field of doing exams such as paps though), and during his training, he did have sexual feelings when performing these exams on "attractive" women.

He goes on to share his view from experience on how these other male doctors feel about it. They totally enjoy it, he says, but not in so little words. He does say there are some male doctors who expressed none of this sexual pleasure or fun of doing a pelvic exam on female patients. This worried me to death because I figure most of them must be this way, and what if the ones that don't openly admit it, secretly are so perverse that they use their patients' bodies in such a degrading way (whether the patient knows or not.)

This is the statement that gives me that impression:

"...given a choice between doing a lung exam on an 80-year-old guy or a pelvic exam on an attractive 30-year-old woman, I’d say most docs would MUCH rather do the latter. They’re only human. They would flatly deny having any such thoughts (in most cases), but deep down, they ARE men, after all."

So there you have it, folks! Not only does he admit that male doctors are doing what many of us girls have feared since we first stepped foot into an exam room with stirrups --  that the doctor isn't neutral towards the exam he's giving us, but he enjoys it. 

Not only is our big fear about that confirmed, but the author gives the impression that in his mind, all men are like this (all male doctors enjoy a sexual thrill from this!) That disturbs me, it infuriates me and to tell you the truth, my head is throbbing in pain to learn this crap. My stomach turned when I read it, but before I even finish typing, I am going to have to stop and take a BC powder for the migraine that is quickly coming on. Okay, I am over-sensitive to this type of thing, though and it's doctors like this to blame for it.

Let me make my next point: "...they ARE men, after all." Now let me try and keep from saying ever ugly word in the book. 

Okay, the F bomb has passed. Are you blasted kidding me right now? The author, an actual educated, respectable doctor, gives the excuse that they ARE men after all. Almost as if he's saying "oops! You can't blame them. They're just men. What do you expect?" Not only does it give the impression that he's making excuses for men, but also making all men look downright bad. What? "They're just men?" And we shouldn't even bother to expect better of them? They're have a complete and utter lack of any control over themselves because, oh! They're  just men, didn't you know?  But if it were a woman? You wouldn't say "what do you expect, she's a low-life woman. That's how they all are. We all know they cannot control themselves."

Using "they are men after all" is a sorry excuse and most of all, it has put an ugly label on all men for way too long. It says that men are spineless, helpless, self-centered creatures. It almost gives the impression that men are so brainless that they can't even focus when an "attractive" woman is nearby. How shallow and that's not a pleasant assumption, guys. To be thought of as spineless, brainless and out of control? That's fucking scary. Not cute and it's no longer an excuse because some of us know for a fact,  without a doubt that there are men who can control themselves. Not only that, but they even make men who don't have to control this "urge" for any "attractive" woman. It's simply not there. It's probably referred to as morals. I guess this author doesn't know many doctors with those things.

I can't stress this message enough -- the message that men are so brainless and spineless and ignorant that they don't know how to treat a person and her body with respect. That they cannot help that they want to use her up and manipulate her into the stirrups just to get a touch and feel. Am I making myself clear, on this message? Men, how many of you really are sick of being thought of as that? Does it bother you guys that this impression the world has of you (mostly thanks to your own kind, like Doc desperation here) is one that causes fear of your actions since you're merely a man. Who could expect you not to do such things? 

I ask this because my male partner does get upset that this is the impression of men. He says "I don't want you to look at me as someone who will lose my head and become an out of control, raging sexual being whenever I see your body. I don't want you to think 'oh crap. If he gets turned on, I'm doomed because he is a man, what else could I expect?'" It gives the message that men cannot control themselves sexually -- and that is why it's so scary.

Now, digging deeper.

I mentioned how this whole doctor and private parts ordeal has been scary for me since I was a very small child. I don't know why! I just remember being very timid and even furious at times over a doctor just being able to do such things to a girl. 

These feelings were there for me as early as the age of 4. Being the extremely modest girl I was as a child, when I was sent to a doctor during my 3rd or 4th grade year of elementary school for some scoliosis check, could've made these feelings worse. I know they were there though, at such a young age. During this whole scoliosis thing, it so happened that during my 3rd or 4th grade year, we had these nurses come to the school to check out all the students for a scoliosis screening. We each would be called into a room behind one of those tall screen things to cover you from the other kids being screened in that room, and were told to remove our shirts and then bend over. The school advises all the girls to wear a sports bra or some type of swim top for extra coverage, even though we were tiny kids, that's still our privates. I wore a silky green sports bra and remember them saying to bend over as they felt of my spine. I don't remember feeling uncomfortable during this at all, but a few months later, a letter came to my parents saying I needed to be sent to some specialist for a closer look, that I'd shown signs of scoliosis. I was asked about back pain and such. Never had I recalled having any problems besides the occasional back ache from sitting for so long. 

Anyways, my mom took me to this specialist and I don't remember much besides being in the room, and what do you know? A male doctor. This automatically upset me (I'd already developed these intense feelings about doctors and privates), but my mom told me it was only my back being examined. 

Good ol' back doctor comes in and tells me to take off my shirt! Then even worse, my pants! But made sure I knew to leave my underwear on. He gave a dumb backless gown and came back, told me to bend over. I was so upset that I cried. I don't even know if I actually bent over or flipped out and refused. I don't remember leaving or anything. I just remember those parts and getting so upset and then never going back. I also remember that the topic of my "back issue" was never spoke of again by anybody. Not my mom, and not the school, but I always always always wondered why we never followed up.

And I also remember skipping school the next time we had a scoliosis screening and ever since that first and last screening that got me sent to the specialist, I skipped every single screening throughout school. 

So perhaps my intense feelings that were there at such a young age, combined with experiences such as the pelvic exam or no endometriosis treatment ultimatum and these minor upsets along the way, and then being raped are part of what has caused my weirdness on this topic. 

...

Then, I had my first pap-smear (early-mid teen years). It was done by an amazing, caring, thoughtful lady. I flipped out, but she made sure I was okay and comfortable, and I'm about 99.9% sure she didn't think of me sexually during or after the exam.

It was just a given that I would never allow a male doctor to see my naked body. I had strong feelings about this as long as I can remember. At the age of 4 is when I remember first becoming furious and having the thoughts about a doctor being able to do as he pleases to a female.

Then a few years ago, at the age of I think 20, I needed surgery (endometriosis.) I've been going to the same office that I went to for my very first pap-smear. Still go there. They were all ladies. Until we found out about my endometriosis. I'd had a pap-smear 3 months before I went in for the endometriosis visit. The doctor, to my horror (literally) was a male. There was the regular female doctor who was completely half out of her mind every time I'd had to see her, but she was there too. She told me that the male doctor wanted to do a pelvic exam. I'd had one three months before! 

So I cried. I cried so much & said I couldn't let this happen. She laughed. No joke! Then she said it'll be okay. That did not calm me. Then she said "you have to." I can't tell you guys how furious I am at myself today for not knowing that I actually did not have to! She said it was either him or nobody and that I'd be living with the endometriosis because if I did not let him do the exam, they would not get me in for treatment. 

So I did the only thing I though I could, and cried the whole time. Then felt like a moron for being so emotional. To me, though, a pap smear feels so much like rape that it drudges up the actual event from years ago. I will spend days (before and after a pap smear every year) feeling so much like I did right after I was raped. I recently talked to someone else about this who was also raped and had similar feelings, but no matter how much searching I do, I never read of this being an issue. I thought it was just me for a while. So this has been on my mind since I have one coming up next month. Call me overly sensitive or prudish, but there's nothing I can do about that feeling. So there's some honesty for ya, whether it makes me look badly or not.

In fact, if I could, I would perform my very own exams down there just to avoid the feeling of being raped all over again ever year of my life. To avoid feeling violated. In fact, I already get my own personal speculums (this began just for the sake and interest of learning more about my body) and I have started looking into at-home pap smear kits where you send your results in to a labratory. As extreme as that sounds, it's something I'd like to look more into, perhaps experiment with but still have my regular exam unless I happen to end up feeling the at-home kit would be just as beneficial.

I will never in my life agree to let a male doctor come near my private parts ever again, and after reading the post "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male doctor's Point of View," I feel even more intensely about this. I will never allow myself to be used up like that. To be looked at like that. This body belongs to me! What fucking part of that can you men not understand? And answer me this, what do I have to do in order for you to ever respect and realize that it's mine and not yours. Not yours! Not yours to look at. Not yours to manipulate me into showing you. Not yours to sexualize. Not yours to put anything inside. Not yours to go home and think about. Not yours to do any of these or other forceful acts upon without my verbal consent!

Now, let me pause to take that BC Powder. This is killing me.

Okay. Doing good. 

So unless I offer my body (and any part herein!) to you, you have none of those rights. You cannot do it! I don't care if I'll never find out. It does not make it okay simply because you'll keep it to yourself while thinking your sick thoughts while performing your scam pelvic exam. It's still doing something to my body, a body that I cannot stress to you enough, is not yours! Would you want me to do anything I please to your body? 

And I can assure you that unless you are my spouse, I won't ever be offering up my body to you. Despite what you have in your head, no, coming to your office for help because I'm in pain is not my consent. Let me squash your last excuse. If I come inside your office for any reason, it is not consent for you to do my body in the ways that I have discussed or in the ways the author of "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male doctor's Point of View," discussed. It is not me offering my body to you if I come into your office. 

I realize that you may not understand my ferocious feelings. I understand how you may think "what they don't know, don't hurt them," but I want some man (besides my spouse) out there, preferably a male doctor somewhere, anywhere to get it. Understand it. Please! Please. 

The author of that post definitely gives the impression that all men are this way, that all male doctors are like this & those who are male, but not necessarily doctors, would still do these things if they had the chance.

On another hand, in the article, when discussing his wife and how her own doctor had manipulated her into receiving a totally unnecessary pap-smear, the author goes all out to rate her "attractiveness," and that just added fuel to my fire! Gosh, can we as women ever escape it? Even while he's trying to help us in that article, he still is being shallow in the way that he rates women's attractiveness! He says she's the most attractive woman to him, but in reality she's not "magazine model attractive." Fucking seriously? Because that's a doctor's view of what's attractive and what's not, folks. If you ain't magazine model beautiful, you're not the best. You might be the "most" attractive, but never the only attractive.

I'd hate to know that my own partner rated women. I'd hate to know he felt that the highest level of beauty was the fake kind, the photoshopped kind known as "magazine model attractiveness." 

These few things are exactly what turned me into a feminist. These are the things that disgust me the most in the world -- this kind of treatment towards us as women that we cannot escape.

I'll stop right there to say, ladies, there are men out there who would view you as their one and only beautiful partner. There are men who don't rate women on their looks. You don't have to be beautiful, but not "magazine model beautiful" because that is not what beauty is to a person with a big, kind heart. That mess is for the shallow people like doctors who spend their time not being able to control their sexual urges and manipulating women into letting them look inside their vaginas.

It's important to note that the author of that post didn't appear to be condoning that behavior from male doctors. In fact, it seems his intentions of the post were to make us aware and to wake us up and tell us to not go to male doctors, protect ourselves. For this, I am grateful to him.


I appreciate the author for speaking out and for caring enough to make us aware of what is really going on. I applaud him for being this brave, even though my anger seems to come across at him. I'm not necessarily angry with him, but angry in general at all male doctors who have done these things to a woman. 

As of this very moment, there is only one man I know for certain that does not have the disgusting traits mentioned in this article. Anybody else? I want to hear from you. I want to be able to say "you're wrong, not all men are spineless, brainless humans who only live for sex, who objectify women and who rate their attractiveness based on "magazine model" beauty." I want for the men who truly are not like this to step up and say "these people are wrong. I'm proof." And I want to be able to back you up, just as I have in my previous words where I complained about the author making you all look like jerk-offs.


I originally read this article on Forwomen'seyesonly.com. I found the author's name, which I wanted to note here since I do quote him  and I do believe in crediting others' work. It appears, by the way Forwomenseyesonly puts the link to the article "Uneccesary pap smears" that the author of the work "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male Doctor's Point of View," goes by the name of "bookofjoe" and his website can be found at www.bookofjoe.com. I could be wrong though, but I couldn't find an author name on the article.

Thanks to that site that featured the post I've talked about (For Women's Eyes Only.com), and the comments left on that post, I've learned a few more things:


* It's actually very common for women to be pressured, manipulated and/or in some cases, forced to allow a pelvic exam to happen, even when they say "no."


* As in my own case, it's common for doctors to refuse to give you treatment (or your birth control, which also happens to me in order to get Depo) unless you allow a pelvic exam/pap smear. In fact, next month I will be forced to have an exam or else no Depo (which isn't taken to prevent me from getting pregnant -- I cannot anyways -- but to help with the endometriosis, which I still have!) 
UPDATE: May, 2014
Just last week I was going to be refused to purchase birth control when I tried refusing the annual exam at my local health department, although I'd done extensive research in the last year and presented the research to the nurse (including Title X and Family Planning "guideline" documents, which state many times that providers should NOT refuse birth control if one declines any exam! You can read these docs yourself & I will link to them, if interested. 

Anyways, I wanted to update and let you folks know that, at least in Georgia, even when the department was under Family Planning funding, they told me specifically that there was no way one would obtain birth control without the regular pelvic exams, pap smear, etc. Even though I personally have been a customer there for 8+ years, they were willing to let me walk out of there, a paying customer ($123 bill) without Depo unless I finally submitted to the medical rape-like procedures of the exams. 

 


And it's not uncommon for us to not realize how crazy it is that we're truly forced to allow doctors to do certain things to our private areas. I didn't realize for a long time. Not that I am against the pap smears. I happen to think they're very useful, which is why I do go through with mine yearly. The lady nurses at the office I go to are pretty good with me about the exam and even endure my freak outs and crying. They have allowed me to refuse a rectal exam, and I hope that's one thing we at least are entitled to!

A few cons about vaccines

Discussion about vaccines

Of course this is your decision as a parent, whether or not to gave your child vaccinated. With your pediatricians and health care providers strongly and consistently urging you to get all these vaccines for your child, you may feel under pressure or that they're the doctors, therefore they know best. Maybe you've even been made to feel like a less than caring parent for hesitating a vaccination for your child. This is another perfect reason why you yourself should be knowledgable. Never expect to go by what others -- doctors or not -- say.  If you are even the least bit educated on these simple things, then you'll know what is best for you and your family. And there are plenty of reasons, research and back-up behind the millions of people who refuse vaccinations for themselves or their children each year. Here are just a  few of the major reasons below.

-Most vaccines contain toxic levels of mercury. Medical experts have even linked autism to the dangerous levels of mercury contained in vaccines.

-Many of the newer vaccines actually contain live viruses. Enough said. Nobody wants a live virus injected into their body.

-Many contain ammonium sulfate, which is suspected to be a liver, gastrointestinal, and respiratory toxicant and neurotoxicant.

 Only some of the minor reasons why vaccines aren't healthy are listed above. Doing research to find some of the most common harmful ingredients in most vaccines is highly recommended. Learning about the ingredients which are in most vaccines is horrific to say the least.

Help free Sara Kruzan!

Photo courtesy of Change.org

 As some of you may have seen, a lot of people are working hard to save Sara Kruzan, free her from being a prisoner--all for protecting herself. I recently joined the Faces For Sara group and want to ask you lovely readers to take a minute to get to know the situation and join! It's simple. You'll send your headshot/photo to FacesForSaraKruzan@gmail.com 

Our photos will be put in a book-style petition and delivered to Gov. Brown. This is a fantastic way to go about this. Sara will be able to see all of the faces of the people who are on her side and asking for her freedom!


You can also sign a petition to help free Sara by going here.

There are a few easy rules that are asked to be followed if you're going to participate. These are copied and pasted directly from Elizabeth Ohara.com. 

-
"1) Send 1 to 3 pictures of yourself that are clear, HIGH-RESOLUTION PHOTOS (over 500k, preferably 1MB or higher). Also No photoshopped images or otherwise doctored images. [No exceptions on the image size]. If you do not have a computer or much internet access, please email me for my mailing address to snail mail me your picture.

2) Send a statement of a few words to a short sentence or two stating your feelings about Sara's case, desire for her release or condemning her imprisonment. You can send me a sentence of what you'd like me to quote along with sending your photo. Please do not photoshop the statement into the photo. Pictures with you looking into the camera are stronger for this project.

3) Group photos are absolutely not accepted without my direct permission. Each person must be individually photographed.
Got it?

Three Simple Rules: Large Photo, Something to quote & no group photos."

So all you have to do is send your photo, leave a brief sentence or two asking for her freedom. I left a few sentences saying something along the lines of trafficking and how her body should be her own, she's a woman, a human and not a sexual object... You can go with something simple like "Please free Sara! No human deserves this." Anything you'd like.

Email your photo and quote to the address provided above. You can also learn more about the project here.  Remember, you're free to join on Facebook to keep up to date! Also, join our group Anti-Pornography to keep up to date on how to take action for Sara as well as hundreds of other cases! 

Tips for writing a prisoner

So, you've decided you might want to start up a pen-palling relationship with a prisoner, but you aren't sure what or how to go about it? Thank God for me! 

As I mentioned before, I have began a little bit of a relationship with my lovely pen pal. She's turned out to be a wonderful pen-pal friend and what started out as trying to do something to brighten a stranger's day has now turned into something that I actually benefit from. Call me  a sap, but Lilly is actually a great writing friend. Turns out I had a letter from another inmate the other day. He's very kind and it made me so sad and so happy when I read the part of his letter that said that he hadn't received any mail or visitors since 2008! He said I made his day! See, there's a site called Write A Prisoner.com as well as a few others. I prefer Write A Prisoner because they're actually interested in making a difference in the lives of others and they're involved with everyone who joins.

So, you can visit this site and see profiles of inmates. Their loved ones takes the time to put up a profile so people can mail them. That's how I was introduced to mine. The guy who wrote me saying he hadn't recieved anything since 08' has had a profile up for a very long time and nobody has sent him a thing. I couldn't believe it. His crime wasn't even a huge one. He's not a mass murderer, but I just assumed more people had used this means of reaching out to people. I could not imagine being in a cell for decades and never recieveing a visitor or one blasted piece of paper saying "hi, hope all is well." Nothing! It broke my little heart. OK, yea, I'm a little on the sensitive side. My heart hurts when I see a dead animal on the side of the road. I guess some people were just made with extra sensitive hearts to make up for those who have cold hearts, right?

I have not wrote the guy back yet as I'm nervous about that. Lilly was different, she's female. I'm not looking to write someone who ends up having... feelings because I am in a monogamos relationship. It's hard because I want to write back and say "bless your little heart! I'll be your shoulder. Lean on me. I'll be the one to brighten your day by sending a piece of paper." I want to, but I do not want to be responsible for any kind of bad things! The guy is a good bit older than me, close to my own dad's age, but hey, when you've been locked up I suppose even a youngster looks good. 

I'll write something back to the guy. Maybe it'll turn out that he truly only wants a friend as well. If it turns out that he doesn't, I will find him a pen-pal that is OK with that type of relationship.

Now, that's just a bit of my story. I thought it might be something useful. However, I do believe some people, prisoner should be able to communicate. Think about the other people in there who have nobody. I'm sure there's someone out there besides me who would enjoy a little letter writing. It's not like you have to work hard. Most of the time you'll get a letter from them one week and by the time you send them one back, it's a month before you hear back. No time consuming work here. 

I'm not trying to convince anyone to write an inmate. I'm only hoping to bring this to ya'll's attention that they are out there (or IN there) and maybe it's something you've never thought of, but are interested in. If not, that's OK.

However, if you do think you want to write a prisoner, sites like Write A Prisoner are your best friend. A good tip though, is to not send out multiple pen-pal requests at once! You don't want to end up with 10 inmates responding with "yes" and then it turn into a burden. I highly recommend finding one that seems to fit you well--look through their profiles. Wait for a response. You may not get one. Some responses take up to a month. Some only a week. If you get a yes and still want another pen-pal, no problem. Feel free. Nothing wrong with that. 

BE SERIOUS
Do not write to someone and promise to pen-pal them if you don't truly plan to write occasionally! That's hurtful and can be damaging to someone who's stuck in a prison cell. If you cannot commit to a letter every month or two, either be up front about it or reconsider taking it on. You don't have to write back as soon as you get their letter, but you shouldn't request a pen-pal if you're going to string them along for a few months and not keep up.

RESEARCH
Find out why the person is in prison. Are you uncomfortable writing a murderer? Then research them before writing! You need to know a bit about the person first. If you've read their crime and their personal profile and you both are looking for the same thing i.e. a friend, a relationship-- no problem. You don't want to request a pen-pal only to find out they've killed and then want to back out. That'd be awkward! 

These are just a few things I thought may be helpful to someone considering pen-palling with a prisoner. This is one thing I like to do to brighten someone's day. There are other ways. If this particular hobby does not interest you, take up something else. Compliment a stranger, leave a kind word for someone you know. If pen-palling a prisoner is a way you brighten someone's day, I'd love to hear your stories! How did you meet? How long have you been pen-palling? Are you close friends with your pen-pal? Any tips YOU think I left out here? All shares are welcome. Of course, I'll be on this topic again at some point I'm sure.

You're not entitled to stick anything in anyone's rear but your own!

My leetle lovelies, it has been a while since I've updated you with one of my crazy incidents. Of course I had the dental mess going on and still have to finish my root canal next month, but I'm out of pain finally! However, I really couldn't resist telling about my oh so lovely GYN visit today! This isn't exactly disgusting so don't worry.

 My birthday is the 26th of this month and those darn yearly exams for women are awful. They have me a crazy mess for the day before I go in, the day of and sometimes a day later! They just bring up some nasty feelings from my past for some reason. I just feel violated! What I'm saying though, is whatever, I can get through that. While I have had some horrible exam experiences with different GYN's, my new lady is awesome, but she did make me have a nervous breakdown today. 

I went in dreading it and already feeling a little bad, you know, past experiences! Traumatic! Before I go on though, am I the only one who has those "feelings" come up when it comes time for pap smears and pelvic exams? I've about drove myself crazy thinking that, well, that I'm crazy because of my linking being raped to pelvic exams. So I want to ask, am I the only girl who gets this? If not, maybe I'm not so weird.

 So, those feelings were there and that really puts me on edge for a couple of days. I dread it every year, but just about every time, the pelvic exam goes OK and I don't feel like my Dr. actually violated me, but the feelings from being raped come up and I turn crazy. I even reserve that day every year for sleeping until the school bus runs. I get the exam, cancel anything, school, work, whatever and I sleep for a few hours and then I'm usually half way normal. 

OK, I'm going to have to talk about more than I expected here. So my yearly visits have never consisted of rectal exams or even an HIV test! I've had to go elsewhere for that, but the nurses would tell patients they did test for HIV when they did not! Hence the reason, the staff is all new now! So I was surprised when my new lady mentioned the HIV tests and I told her that at least 80% of people my age since high school have never been tested, but think they have. She said she planned to change that and offer the test every visit. That's great and I did want to get tested again just to be sure. No, it was not positive! I'm good! 

So I got my second dose of the HPV vaccine which brings me to another real problem. The GYN I was seeing the first time gave me my first HPV vaccine dose, but the second GYN that I was seeing for a few years never would give it to me! Today she also made sure I got that nice stab in the arm along with my usual injection for endometriosis help. There are some real flaws in these systems!

Then it was time for the exam which again brings me to ANOTHER real big problem. A few years ago my GYN found lumps in my breast and they stayed very sore, but the lumps would come and go. She wanted me to come back in every month to have them checked. Come to find out, I had never actually been FULLY tested for the breast exam! I spent months terrified a few years back when the GYN mentioned my lumps. I even cried one night! Then suddenly she never mentioned my lumps or told me a single thing about them and never tested me again after those few months of feeling them passed. Hmmm..

Today my new GYN asked me was I given the full exam which included feeling with your hands of the tissue, standing and doing all kinds of movements to check them as well as feeling the lymph nodes in my thighs, neck and underarms. Nope. The only exam I was ever given (for the past 8 damn years!) was when they GYN would feel my breasts with her hands. That's total shit if you ask me! Breast cancer can happen so young these days and I'm highly pissed that all of us in my area were not being properly tested. 

Well the good news is my new, good GYN said that I'm safe. The lumps are only fibro.. something cysts. Fibrostic cysts, I think she said? 

Then on to the pap exam. I spent an hour and a half naked while she could not find my cervix! I have a tilted cervix and she couldn't find it. She asked me if I had had a hysterectomy.

 I said "Nope. It's in there somewhere! I've seen it before!" I took pictures is how I've seen it. Before I gross you out though, I'll stop. The exam was awful because she couldn't find my cervix and had to bring in the injection-administering lady. It actually turned out to be sort of funny and we were all able to laugh so that helped tremendously. Then the horror!

She said "We've started including rectal exams with the full annual exam." 
I turned my head because the tears and nervous breakdown had begun. I was about to put my clothes on and walk out. 

She said "What is wrong? Is something wrong? Oh my goodness! You were traumatized weren't you?"

I could not hold in my breakdown any longer. I was not anally traumatized... sort of. But I did mention why I had such issues with pap exams a minute ago. I can get past that though because I do work hard to keep informed myself with how things should work and with my own body. I work very hard on my health and even check my own darn cervix! (A camera, my partner and a speculum, in-case you're wondering how the hell that's possible). OK, cervical cancer and HPV is so common even at my age (21) and there's no way I'm going to avoid something so crucial that can be stopped if caught early. Having a professional check is great, but I educate myself extensively to know exactly everything. They're not always careful and many times are careless about your health, I've experienced it so I want to do my own part. 

OK, smash my chest. Jab, swab and have your face 3 inches away from my cooter in search of my little cervix, but hell no, you will not ever put anything in my booty! No. No.  So she did catch on that I was super nervous in general, but when she mentioned rectal exam, my rectal was outta there! She immediately started apologizing and didn't stop until I left. Poor thing. I told her that I was just upset before coming in since I tend to get emotional over those feelings that come up from the past. I didn't have to say no to her, she knew I couldn't go through it. Yes, exams are uncomfortable for all of us, but there's a difference in being uncomfortable and having yucky feelings brought up for a couple days and being totally traumatized all over again. I have no idea why the rectal thing bothers me more than the pap smear when I was violated in the cooter, not the rectum! Lol. 

So she told me she'd never mention it again. She said she would write "refused" on my charts and move on. Thank you, Jesus. 

See, a few years back, when I first started getting very ill and after being hospitalized for the very first time, I was referred to this total freak physician or something. I'm not for name calling, but y'all, this woman totally freaked me out! I was only a teen. Almost 16 years old and I went to this weird physician or whatever she was since the hospital referred me. She did ultra sounds and a pelvic exam and lots of asthma treatments and then acted very suspicious. She touched my booty without telling me and I flung myself off that darn table and said "WHAT do you think you are doing?!" I've never been so freaked. She kept chasing me with her hand as I backed away from her. This is for real too! She said "I'm just gonna put my finger right on your butt." I said "and then what?" I knew exactly what the damn creep was gonna do, but what was wrong was that she wasn't going to tell me about it? What kind of crap is that? So I refused and she told me I was not leaving her office until she did, that she would not let me leave! This was not a hospital, but some freaking office. Surely she had no right. Anyways, that left me really upset and still I can't stand the thought of it. I mean it tears me up! That could be one thing, but I'm not into anal. Thankfully, I felt better today when my new GYN said "Like my husband says, that's an exit only!" Ha. Ha. So it was nice to have her agree with my discomfort about it. 

Now that I'm older and smarter, I should've really pushed getting something done about that doctor doing that. Maybe I'm crazy, but it feels like I was almost molested. :( Oh, well as long as nobody every goes near my behind, I'm happy. I'll suffer through a pelvic exam, but she said I was not at high risk at all for a rectal exam and I would be perfectly fine. 

So, before I go on, do any of you feel like this? Men, I know some of you guys can relate! My grandmother was telling me a story about when my grandfather was still alive and the Dr. tried giving him a rectal exam and he totally flipped on them! Sounded just like what I went through. Lol. He's not with us anymore, but no, it is not because he refused a rectal exam! 

Also, I'd like to hear from other rape survivors on this. Does anybody else in the world have freak-outs over these exams? I'm afraid I'm alone in this one! :)

Now, I hate to continue this already long read, but there's one more thing about my visit today that I cannot leave out. Believe me, you're lucky because I did leave out a lot! Ha Ha. I left out the part where I crammed my purse full of supplies as I was getting dressed! Hee Hee Hee! I'm telling you, a box of rubber gloves come in handy! Ha. Ha.


I'll make it short, promise. . .
While I was in the waiting room/lobby, I saw a stack dirty mags! Not actual porn, but this popular magazine is bad enough that even Walmart had to pull it from the shelves! So I'm in the GYN office which is also an office with a pediatrician or something like that so there's the nasty mags on the table and in front of them, a play section for kids! Are you freaking kidding me? I flipped through, curious to see if they would actually have that kind of material.

Sure enough! Pages and pages littered and trashed with degrading, disgusting and plain out trashy photos! I ripped the first out, crammed it in my pocket to throw away. Flipped the page, more! I ripped and ripped until I was afraid I couldn't hold another piece of magazine paper in my pockets. 

Then  I remember my ol' trusty sharpie! I pulled that baby out and scribbled every last image out. Total black! No way you could see the trash through my scribbles. By this time I was light headed from 4 total minutes of sleep and the fumes! I flipped through all the mags to be sure nothing was left for some poor kid to stumble across or someone else who wouldn't like being forced to see it.

So, I accomplished getting rid of that trash, but I thought 'hmm... shouldn't these people know what's in these magazines so they don't put them out anymore?' And the activist or bitch or both came out in me and I found my little address book/calendar in my purse and ripped out a page. After writing "INAPPROPRIATE MATERIAL!!" in huge, thick black letters, I carefully sat it on top of the magazines. :) My work there was done. My good deed, done! It felt so good! 

Knowing the people who run the place, they won't be putting out the magazine again, but  I couldn't sit back and not do something. Thanks to the wonderful American Decency, I had the courage to do that. I might get fired up about someone trying to put something in my rear and then I cuss, but I'm a good girl!

You might think that what I did isn't enough to make a difference, but it is. This convenient station in my area was selling porn, real porn and it was right at the checkout! I wrote the owner a letter explaining how degrading, harmful and bad it was and that I wouldn't shop somewhere that I was forced to see that mess. I asked kindly that they put it away or in the back and guess what? I stopped in there 3 months ago for the first time and there hasn't been a single magazine or video that could resemble porn! :) My SO & I have actually become kind of buddies with the owner now and we have a great time laughing when we go in.

How awesome is that? And just in-case you're the kind of person who's wanted badly to stand up against something, but was afraid... You won't regret it when you finally do, I promise! You truly can change things and there's no reward like it when you do. All it takes many times is a simple letter. Sign anonymously if you're uncomfortable, but never stand by and keep quiet!

Well, I'm officially done with my huge mixture of stories. I hope you are encouraged either to refuse anything be put in your rectum or to stand up for something you believe in. Either way, I'll love ya!

Much love and remember, I would love to hear from you, especially if you feel the need to tell me that I'm not the only freak with weird feelings towards something like a darn rectal or pap exam! :)

-Kendra

Men in women's dressing rooms.

A while back, where I do some part-time work, we had a little meeting and some people were discussing the whole men being allowed in female dressing rooms and possibly restrooms. When I stated my opinion on the matter (I'm opposed to it in case you're wondering and I will say why.) things got WAY out of hand. Turns out, I was the only person who saw the idea of being dangerous and I was completely attacked over it! My job was also threatened for me stating my opinion! Honestly though, I wasn't hateful about it at all. 

 Anyways, after reading about Macy's firing an employee because she refused to let a man go in the ladies dressing room (he said he was really a woman) - in the American Decency newsletter, I couldn't keep quiet anymore.

  I understand this heated discussion was at our work place so I can see it being something the employers don't like. What I can't understand is why I was the only one threatened and completely shi* on. I mean, the things co-workers and those above me said to me after I stated my opinion was far worse than my opinion itself! That's beside the point...

  For a while now, I've almost blogged about this, but I tried forever to let it "blow over." Now I'm not talking about the stupid work discussion. I'm talking about the issue in general and the company I work for might not like to hear my opinions if they differ from theirs, but this is my blog. I'm free to go ahead and say how I feel and the main reason I'm doing so is because I think if someone happens across this, it might open their eyes or maybe someone who feels the same as me will see this and feel encouraged, maybe even speak out themselves! Now is a great time to go ahead and say: if you are opposed to Macy's "policy" of allowing males into female dressing rooms you can send them a letter here:

  I'll explain a little before I go on my rant. The above link is where you can go to send Macy's a letter asking them to change that policy. You don't have to type your own words as the wonderful American Decency.org has one "pre-written." You can simply put your name and email and hit send or you can fill in your own personalized letter like I did. To read more about the topic before sending a letter you can do so here:

  American Deceny has truly been a life saver for me. They're where I often get my resources when I want to take action and I can't even begin to say how much I've learned and accomplished with those guys. They're simply amazing! While I might not agree with every single thing they do (that would be rare though!) they're a wonderful organization to sign up with, get newsletters, etc. Anyways, back to topic...

   First I want to go ahead and say that I have absolutely no "beef" with gays or transgenders or any person in the world. If you know me at all, you've probably gathered that I'm a lover! I love people of all kind. I'm not against gay people. I have gay family members and I accept them just like the straight ones! I don't have issues with transgender people either. Just because we might not live the same kind of life or have the same preferences does not mean I am opposed to them. I love all kinds of people! Ok, that's out of the way...

  My problem with this whole Macy's allowing men in the women's dressing room is simple enough if you take the time to listen. 

 Number 1: If Macy's decides to let men in the women's dressing room, more companies will follow in their stupid foot steps and my biggest problem is what's next? If men are allowed in our dressing rooms is it only a matter of time before they're allowed in our restrooms? BUT me saying I don't like this makes me sexist, against LGBT and horrible. When I say I don't like that policy because of the risks and privacy violation, I MUST be against them, right? Wrong! OK? In this case, Macy's is putting their LGBT customers above all else, as if they're better customers? This is not equal treatment. What about our privacy, our rights? 

 Number 2: My problem is not Macy's really. It's that this could turn into a policy that our everyday grocery store develops and it's stepping on the rights of women and children and men who aren't comfortable.

 Number 3: If a man can claim to be a transgender, he's allowed in. That simple? Wait! So my little girl could be using the dressing room and any man could claim to be transgender and go do as he pleases?!  Also, what about me? I'm not the kind of woman that will be naked in front of strangers. It's a violation of my privacy if all it takes is a man saying "Oh, didn't you know? I'm transgender." and bam! 

 Number 4: Are we really going to pretend rapists, molestors and other sick, sorry as hell predators AREN'T going to use this as an excuse? One of the people in the discussion at work said to me "are you stupid? Do you REALLY think rapists are going to go through the trouble of that?" Ha! Yes, yes I do. You know why? Because guys, I was raped. I know firsthand what a predator will do to get what he wants and if the sorry piece of crap would go so far as to put drugs in a woman's drink, don't you think he'd go so far as to pretend he's trans just to get his victim? Yes. It's true and it's real. I'm not saying this is bound to happen, but doesn't it raise the risks? Doesn't it concern you or worry you? 

  Or how about the guy who sees a female going in the dressing room and just wants to "sneak one little peek." Do we really think somebody in this world won't use that? I'm sorry, but I feel very strongly about this and being someone who's been through crappy things in my life, I tend to get fired up any time I feel women's privacy is being violated or pushed to the side like we don't matter. I don't know many women who'd be comfortable changing in a dressing room with men in there. Think about those gaping holes in the doors and in a lot of dressing rooms, only a shower curtain! WTF? No, Macy's, I will NOT be trying on any clothing at your store! As a matter of fact, I won't even step foot in a Macy's store. Maybe when men and women, children AND trans people are given equal rights, then I would consider it. As far as I'm concerned Macy's is unethical and I don't think I could even get over the stupididty enough to ever go to a Macy's again. Yes, that's strong, but I do have my reasons for such strong concern.

  That basically sums up my problem with the policy. Also, how crappy of Macy's to fire the poor girl! Again, that's not what I'm directing my anger at.