Proof that male doctors treat their female patients as sex objects

Image source: www.demotivationalposters.org

Guys, I have something to share my upsets about. I was reading this blog post that many of you have likely seen. The post was called "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male Doctor's Point of View."

If you have not already read that post, I encourage you to do so before reading what I am about to say -- number 1. because it's important that you as a male or female be informed of what's going on at your Dr.'s office. Number 2. because it'll make a lot more sense to you if you've read the article.

If the article that appeared on the Daily Mail UK about the doctor sexually abusing a female patient for 13 years before admitting having an erotic dream about her wasn't enough to make some of you wary about having male doctors, what you'll read in "The Other Side of The Speculum: A Male Doctor's Point of View," surely will. 

In any instance, though, I'll still briefly tell you what that post/article is about. It's a male doctor sharing that men who are in the medical field do actually enjoy giving a pap-smear or pelvic exam or breast exam to a female. Not only do they enjoy it, but the author also goes on to say that they discuss it with others & they even tell women they deem attractive that a pap, pelvic or breast exam is "necessary," only so they can do it. Not because the patient really needs it! The author even explains instances in-depth of this happening! And if you read the comments, you'll surely be sickened to hear others' stories!

After reading that post, I felt so strongly. So many thing I want to say. I wanted to comment. I considered writing an article myself on this, then I considered discussing my feelings about it in a video, but I am so furious and upset after reading the post that the quickest way to get this off my mind and out there to ya'll is to write it here. In the future, I may do a video version or even an article, but right now, I'm so pissed I can't think straight. Let me see, where should I begin..

There are many reasons why upsets arose for me while reading that post about men who perform pelvic exams/pap smears are actually using their profession (and our bodies) as excuses to do immoral things to us, in reality, without us even knowing or approving, really. I mean, if I go in for a pap smear and my doctor is a male, I would think he was professional and not viewing my body in a sexual way and not using my body for his own sexual gratification. I wouldn't expect him to damn near demand me have an exam for his own fun, and not my health. 

So say I allowed the exam & it turns out he is doing these things. He is using his profession as an excuse to touch and look at me -- in other words to treat me as a sexual object. Also, if I do not know he's doing these things (looking at me and touching me with such thoughts and ideas) then I'm not a willing participant. The only part I would be willingly participating in would be the exam for my health, not the sexual part he's getting out of it! 

That's point number one I wanted to make.

We automatically have this idea that doctors are trustworthy and wouldn't ever do these things, right? Wrong. So very, sadly and disgustingly wrong.

Point number two would be  

The author of this blog post admits that he is a doctor (not in the field of doing exams such as paps though), and during his training, he did have sexual feelings when performing these exams on "attractive" women.

He goes on to share his view from experience on how these other male doctors feel about it. They totally enjoy it, he says, but not in so little words. He does say there are some male doctors who expressed none of this sexual pleasure or fun of doing a pelvic exam on female patients. This worried me to death because I figure most of them must be this way, and what if the ones that don't openly admit it, secretly are so perverse that they use their patients' bodies in such a degrading way (whether the patient knows or not.)

This is the statement that gives me that impression:

"...given a choice between doing a lung exam on an 80-year-old guy or a pelvic exam on an attractive 30-year-old woman, I’d say most docs would MUCH rather do the latter. They’re only human. They would flatly deny having any such thoughts (in most cases), but deep down, they ARE men, after all."

So there you have it, folks! Not only does he admit that male doctors are doing what many of us girls have feared since we first stepped foot into an exam room with stirrups --  that the doctor isn't neutral towards the exam he's giving us, but he enjoys it. 

Not only is our big fear about that confirmed, but the author gives the impression that in his mind, all men are like this (all male doctors enjoy a sexual thrill from this!) That disturbs me, it infuriates me and to tell you the truth, my head is throbbing in pain to learn this crap. My stomach turned when I read it, but before I even finish typing, I am going to have to stop and take a BC powder for the migraine that is quickly coming on. Okay, I am over-sensitive to this type of thing, though and it's doctors like this to blame for it.

Let me make my next point: "...they ARE men, after all." Now let me try and keep from saying ever ugly word in the book. 

Okay, the F bomb has passed. Are you blasted kidding me right now? The author, an actual educated, respectable doctor, gives the excuse that they ARE men after all. Almost as if he's saying "oops! You can't blame them. They're just men. What do you expect?" Not only does it give the impression that he's making excuses for men, but also making all men look downright bad. What? "They're just men?" And we shouldn't even bother to expect better of them? They're have a complete and utter lack of any control over themselves because, oh! They're  just men, didn't you know?  But if it were a woman? You wouldn't say "what do you expect, she's a low-life woman. That's how they all are. We all know they cannot control themselves."

Using "they are men after all" is a sorry excuse and most of all, it has put an ugly label on all men for way too long. It says that men are spineless, helpless, self-centered creatures. It almost gives the impression that men are so brainless that they can't even focus when an "attractive" woman is nearby. How shallow and that's not a pleasant assumption, guys. To be thought of as spineless, brainless and out of control? That's fucking scary. Not cute and it's no longer an excuse because some of us know for a fact,  without a doubt that there are men who can control themselves. Not only that, but they even make men who don't have to control this "urge" for any "attractive" woman. It's simply not there. It's probably referred to as morals. I guess this author doesn't know many doctors with those things.

I can't stress this message enough -- the message that men are so brainless and spineless and ignorant that they don't know how to treat a person and her body with respect. That they cannot help that they want to use her up and manipulate her into the stirrups just to get a touch and feel. Am I making myself clear, on this message? Men, how many of you really are sick of being thought of as that? Does it bother you guys that this impression the world has of you (mostly thanks to your own kind, like Doc desperation here) is one that causes fear of your actions since you're merely a man. Who could expect you not to do such things? 

I ask this because my male partner does get upset that this is the impression of men. He says "I don't want you to look at me as someone who will lose my head and become an out of control, raging sexual being whenever I see your body. I don't want you to think 'oh crap. If he gets turned on, I'm doomed because he is a man, what else could I expect?'" It gives the message that men cannot control themselves sexually -- and that is why it's so scary.

Now, digging deeper.

I mentioned how this whole doctor and private parts ordeal has been scary for me since I was a very small child. I don't know why! I just remember being very timid and even furious at times over a doctor just being able to do such things to a girl. 

These feelings were there for me as early as the age of 4. Being the extremely modest girl I was as a child, when I was sent to a doctor during my 3rd or 4th grade year of elementary school for some scoliosis check, could've made these feelings worse. I know they were there though, at such a young age. During this whole scoliosis thing, it so happened that during my 3rd or 4th grade year, we had these nurses come to the school to check out all the students for a scoliosis screening. We each would be called into a room behind one of those tall screen things to cover you from the other kids being screened in that room, and were told to remove our shirts and then bend over. The school advises all the girls to wear a sports bra or some type of swim top for extra coverage, even though we were tiny kids, that's still our privates. I wore a silky green sports bra and remember them saying to bend over as they felt of my spine. I don't remember feeling uncomfortable during this at all, but a few months later, a letter came to my parents saying I needed to be sent to some specialist for a closer look, that I'd shown signs of scoliosis. I was asked about back pain and such. Never had I recalled having any problems besides the occasional back ache from sitting for so long. 

Anyways, my mom took me to this specialist and I don't remember much besides being in the room, and what do you know? A male doctor. This automatically upset me (I'd already developed these intense feelings about doctors and privates), but my mom told me it was only my back being examined. 

Good ol' back doctor comes in and tells me to take off my shirt! Then even worse, my pants! But made sure I knew to leave my underwear on. He gave a dumb backless gown and came back, told me to bend over. I was so upset that I cried. I don't even know if I actually bent over or flipped out and refused. I don't remember leaving or anything. I just remember those parts and getting so upset and then never going back. I also remember that the topic of my "back issue" was never spoke of again by anybody. Not my mom, and not the school, but I always always always wondered why we never followed up.

And I also remember skipping school the next time we had a scoliosis screening and ever since that first and last screening that got me sent to the specialist, I skipped every single screening throughout school. 

So perhaps my intense feelings that were there at such a young age, combined with experiences such as the pelvic exam or no endometriosis treatment ultimatum and these minor upsets along the way, and then being raped are part of what has caused my weirdness on this topic. 

...

Then, I had my first pap-smear (early-mid teen years). It was done by an amazing, caring, thoughtful lady. I flipped out, but she made sure I was okay and comfortable, and I'm about 99.9% sure she didn't think of me sexually during or after the exam.

It was just a given that I would never allow a male doctor to see my naked body. I had strong feelings about this as long as I can remember. At the age of 4 is when I remember first becoming furious and having the thoughts about a doctor being able to do as he pleases to a female.

Then a few years ago, at the age of I think 20, I needed surgery (endometriosis.) I've been going to the same office that I went to for my very first pap-smear. Still go there. They were all ladies. Until we found out about my endometriosis. I'd had a pap-smear 3 months before I went in for the endometriosis visit. The doctor, to my horror (literally) was a male. There was the regular female doctor who was completely half out of her mind every time I'd had to see her, but she was there too. She told me that the male doctor wanted to do a pelvic exam. I'd had one three months before! 

So I cried. I cried so much & said I couldn't let this happen. She laughed. No joke! Then she said it'll be okay. That did not calm me. Then she said "you have to." I can't tell you guys how furious I am at myself today for not knowing that I actually did not have to! She said it was either him or nobody and that I'd be living with the endometriosis because if I did not let him do the exam, they would not get me in for treatment. 

So I did the only thing I though I could, and cried the whole time. Then felt like a moron for being so emotional. To me, though, a pap smear feels so much like rape that it drudges up the actual event from years ago. I will spend days (before and after a pap smear every year) feeling so much like I did right after I was raped. I recently talked to someone else about this who was also raped and had similar feelings, but no matter how much searching I do, I never read of this being an issue. I thought it was just me for a while. So this has been on my mind since I have one coming up next month. Call me overly sensitive or prudish, but there's nothing I can do about that feeling. So there's some honesty for ya, whether it makes me look badly or not.

In fact, if I could, I would perform my very own exams down there just to avoid the feeling of being raped all over again ever year of my life. To avoid feeling violated. In fact, I already get my own personal speculums (this began just for the sake and interest of learning more about my body) and I have started looking into at-home pap smear kits where you send your results in to a labratory. As extreme as that sounds, it's something I'd like to look more into, perhaps experiment with but still have my regular exam unless I happen to end up feeling the at-home kit would be just as beneficial.

I will never in my life agree to let a male doctor come near my private parts ever again, and after reading the post "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male doctor's Point of View," I feel even more intensely about this. I will never allow myself to be used up like that. To be looked at like that. This body belongs to me! What fucking part of that can you men not understand? And answer me this, what do I have to do in order for you to ever respect and realize that it's mine and not yours. Not yours! Not yours to look at. Not yours to manipulate me into showing you. Not yours to sexualize. Not yours to put anything inside. Not yours to go home and think about. Not yours to do any of these or other forceful acts upon without my verbal consent!

Now, let me pause to take that BC Powder. This is killing me.

Okay. Doing good. 

So unless I offer my body (and any part herein!) to you, you have none of those rights. You cannot do it! I don't care if I'll never find out. It does not make it okay simply because you'll keep it to yourself while thinking your sick thoughts while performing your scam pelvic exam. It's still doing something to my body, a body that I cannot stress to you enough, is not yours! Would you want me to do anything I please to your body? 

And I can assure you that unless you are my spouse, I won't ever be offering up my body to you. Despite what you have in your head, no, coming to your office for help because I'm in pain is not my consent. Let me squash your last excuse. If I come inside your office for any reason, it is not consent for you to do my body in the ways that I have discussed or in the ways the author of "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male doctor's Point of View," discussed. It is not me offering my body to you if I come into your office. 

I realize that you may not understand my ferocious feelings. I understand how you may think "what they don't know, don't hurt them," but I want some man (besides my spouse) out there, preferably a male doctor somewhere, anywhere to get it. Understand it. Please! Please. 

The author of that post definitely gives the impression that all men are this way, that all male doctors are like this & those who are male, but not necessarily doctors, would still do these things if they had the chance.

On another hand, in the article, when discussing his wife and how her own doctor had manipulated her into receiving a totally unnecessary pap-smear, the author goes all out to rate her "attractiveness," and that just added fuel to my fire! Gosh, can we as women ever escape it? Even while he's trying to help us in that article, he still is being shallow in the way that he rates women's attractiveness! He says she's the most attractive woman to him, but in reality she's not "magazine model attractive." Fucking seriously? Because that's a doctor's view of what's attractive and what's not, folks. If you ain't magazine model beautiful, you're not the best. You might be the "most" attractive, but never the only attractive.

I'd hate to know that my own partner rated women. I'd hate to know he felt that the highest level of beauty was the fake kind, the photoshopped kind known as "magazine model attractiveness." 

These few things are exactly what turned me into a feminist. These are the things that disgust me the most in the world -- this kind of treatment towards us as women that we cannot escape.

I'll stop right there to say, ladies, there are men out there who would view you as their one and only beautiful partner. There are men who don't rate women on their looks. You don't have to be beautiful, but not "magazine model beautiful" because that is not what beauty is to a person with a big, kind heart. That mess is for the shallow people like doctors who spend their time not being able to control their sexual urges and manipulating women into letting them look inside their vaginas.

It's important to note that the author of that post didn't appear to be condoning that behavior from male doctors. In fact, it seems his intentions of the post were to make us aware and to wake us up and tell us to not go to male doctors, protect ourselves. For this, I am grateful to him.


I appreciate the author for speaking out and for caring enough to make us aware of what is really going on. I applaud him for being this brave, even though my anger seems to come across at him. I'm not necessarily angry with him, but angry in general at all male doctors who have done these things to a woman. 

As of this very moment, there is only one man I know for certain that does not have the disgusting traits mentioned in this article. Anybody else? I want to hear from you. I want to be able to say "you're wrong, not all men are spineless, brainless humans who only live for sex, who objectify women and who rate their attractiveness based on "magazine model" beauty." I want for the men who truly are not like this to step up and say "these people are wrong. I'm proof." And I want to be able to back you up, just as I have in my previous words where I complained about the author making you all look like jerk-offs.


I originally read this article on Forwomen'seyesonly.com. I found the author's name, which I wanted to note here since I do quote him  and I do believe in crediting others' work. It appears, by the way Forwomenseyesonly puts the link to the article "Uneccesary pap smears" that the author of the work "The Other Side of the Speculum: A Male Doctor's Point of View," goes by the name of "bookofjoe" and his website can be found at www.bookofjoe.com. I could be wrong though, but I couldn't find an author name on the article.

Thanks to that site that featured the post I've talked about (For Women's Eyes Only.com), and the comments left on that post, I've learned a few more things:


* It's actually very common for women to be pressured, manipulated and/or in some cases, forced to allow a pelvic exam to happen, even when they say "no."


* As in my own case, it's common for doctors to refuse to give you treatment (or your birth control, which also happens to me in order to get Depo) unless you allow a pelvic exam/pap smear. In fact, next month I will be forced to have an exam or else no Depo (which isn't taken to prevent me from getting pregnant -- I cannot anyways -- but to help with the endometriosis, which I still have!) 
UPDATE: May, 2014
Just last week I was going to be refused to purchase birth control when I tried refusing the annual exam at my local health department, although I'd done extensive research in the last year and presented the research to the nurse (including Title X and Family Planning "guideline" documents, which state many times that providers should NOT refuse birth control if one declines any exam! You can read these docs yourself & I will link to them, if interested. 

Anyways, I wanted to update and let you folks know that, at least in Georgia, even when the department was under Family Planning funding, they told me specifically that there was no way one would obtain birth control without the regular pelvic exams, pap smear, etc. Even though I personally have been a customer there for 8+ years, they were willing to let me walk out of there, a paying customer ($123 bill) without Depo unless I finally submitted to the medical rape-like procedures of the exams. 

 


And it's not uncommon for us to not realize how crazy it is that we're truly forced to allow doctors to do certain things to our private areas. I didn't realize for a long time. Not that I am against the pap smears. I happen to think they're very useful, which is why I do go through with mine yearly. The lady nurses at the office I go to are pretty good with me about the exam and even endure my freak outs and crying. They have allowed me to refuse a rectal exam, and I hope that's one thing we at least are entitled to!