A Common Solution for Depression Might Actually Worsen it

Image source: Kyril Negoda

"Just get out of the house and surround yourself with people you enjoy being around. Get away for a while. Go on vacation. Do something for yourself."

The advice every single depressed person on the planet has been given time and again. Simple, right? Just force yourself to spend a little time with people you love, and soon the depression will dissolve.

There's one problem with that. Actually, there's two, but it comes later and mostly involved on-going depression.

For the person experiencing depression, it feels downright impossible to interact with other people. They aren't lazy or wallowing in their problems. Most people actually do take action to improve their happiness, but it literally feels im. poss. ible. 

 Let's look at the typical scenario for the depressed person:

You peel yourself up and start the daunting tasks that are supposed to make you happy again. You force yourself to leave your comfort zone and go out with friends, attend an event, spend quality time with a loved one.

The entire process (before, during, and after) is purely exhausting, even when the occasion brings joy to the sufferer. 

You push through time and again, hoping that eventually, you'll return to "normal" and the extreme discomfort and draining efforts will subside. You keep applying the solution, but fear and doubts surrounding the lack of results creep in.

You try to dispel the doubts and convince yourself this solution will work. Going out will become fun again and interacting with people will start feeling natural and not forced. 

You keep telling yourself that you just have to maintain a little longer -- just keep the efforts up until you reach the breakthrough moment. 

You remind yourself that a window of improvement has to open at some point. Then those everyday tasks that lead to so much suffering will be easier and easier. 

This depression will  lift, you'll find it possible to manage through a typical day without the feeling of fighting an impossible battle. Every minute you're still breathing won't feel like a struggle. The mental and physical exhaustion that threatens to takes you out the minute you wake up will cease to exist one day.

You might experience the feeling of hope again. Ah, just a sliver of a hopeful feeling would be heavenly. 

You don't remember what it's like to feel many positive emotions, but you know you want to feel them again. You actively seek to feel a sense of joy, even for just a minute.

 You've sought to do something, anything, that leaves you feeling fulfilled at the end of the day. So you push yourself some more.

You try the "fake it til' you make it" theory. You force yourself to smile until it hurts or fake-giggle until the laughter becomes sincere. 

You started another gratitude journal and stuck with it until it became a habit. 

Meditating has become another task on your ever-increasing list of activities you must complete to overcome this depression. 

You even try making time for extra physical activity and exercise every week. 

But you long to feel again. 

To feel that surge of euphoria that comes when you laugh hysterically.

Just a fleeting moment of motivation, inspiration, or excitement would be a dream-come-true. If only you could capture a tiny sliver of any of those emotions, you just might be able to get somewhere. 

You repeat the so-called depression solutions, but it's tiring and you can't help but wonder what's taking so long. 

How much longer can you keep exhausting yourself? Is it even worth it anymore?

We can only repeat something so many times without getting the results we want before we have no option but to start entertaining the doubts.

What the articles that spout this as an optimal solution for depression don't tell us is that some cases of long-term depression significantly worsens after repeated application of the so-called solution.

After trying the so-called "best solution" without success, many of us end up not knowing where to turn... Except for inward.

This is why it's important to understand how, why, and when your depression could be at risk of worsening. Being mindful of the signs and how the worsening of depression typically unfolds will help you to stay ahead of it and know when to seek other options.

When the "Solution" Worsens Depression

 Some people feel almost paralyzed when it comes to getting out of bed and functioning in a normal way. That's because it's hard to see how the situation could change anymore. It hasn't yet, so why would it now? 

Many people enter this stage of depression after many "failed" attempts at the everyday "solutions" we're fed. It usually manifests after multiple disappointments, and it's time to change the course of action if this is the case.

The Reason Depression Continues to Worsen When You've Tried the Solutions

It eventually becomes easier (and safer) to stay in bed than get up and be presented with more negative circumstances that landed you here in the first place. 

Why bother when the only things you can expect anymore are either no relief or new problems. 


After working tirelessly with the intention of results, it's discouraging when, at the end of the day, you're left with nothing but more exhaustion. Minimal results aren't enough to fuel anyone to continue going forward in the same direction.

It's this kind of experience that leads you in the opposite direction of positive emotions. Your brain observes patterns and it starts taking notes. 

In this case, the pattern looks like this: work, work, work = little to no change. 

The work isn't producing enough results to satisfy the brain's "reward system."  In other words, your brain decides this doesn't "work."

Our future expectations are based on past experiences

 

If you touched a hot stove and it burned your hand, would do it again and expect it not to burn? 

No, because you know from experience that the stove burned your hand, so you would expect it to do it again.

 Events and outcomes, whether negative or positive, are the same way. You experience enough of them and you start to expect nothing other than the same type of events and outcomes. 


When you've been using a solution and receiving minimal or no results repeats and this pattern repeats, your brain only knows to expect more of the same. All we know is what we've already experienced. As our experiences build, we sort through and learn to expect whatever we see the most of, whether it's bad or good. It's when the bad outweighs the good that people typically lose hope. Visions of progress become so clouded that everything seems impossible. 

Your brain decides that this doesn't "work." In other words, the work isn't producing enough worth the "reward."

Not only is it tough to keep putting in effort without any reward, now you're on the verge of developing negative thinking patterns. Instead of feeling numb, now you feel disappointment, frustration, and more hopelessness than before. 

It seems the only intense emotions you can feel are negative ones (like anger and sadness) that stem from the the building struggles and upsets. 

At this stage, it can be difficult to even feel genuine gratitude. The truth is, being grateful doesn't solve every case of depression. It undoubtedly does help and is a wonderful habit to develop, but I've noticed a lot of natural-based depression communities sending a dangerously strong message that the solution for all depression is gratitude and friends.

If you've put your all into a solution and actually feel worse than before, this is a huge red flag that suggests the need for a revision in your solution. There isn't a cure all for depression and the various options available to us should be explored, instead of touting one as the ultimate depression-fix.


I believe a lack of hope usually drags us to the low point where any sign of a good life is unimaginable. I remember times of hopefulness and hopelessness, and it's when I felt hope (even the smallest amount) that I was able to build on to it. 

With a little hope, I could add a pinch of motivation. With those two ingredients, I was able to look at the possibilities and solutions. When I can grab onto a little hope, I at least know I haven't fully and completely given up on myself and any potential for better. 

From the place of hope + motivation, we only need the other active ingredients to be on our way to whatever "better" there is.


Readers, please chime in with your comments and suggestions. What helps you during moments of hopelessness? Have you had any success in changing your expectations in order to change your outcomes?